I believe most parents are united in a common goal to give their children the best life possible, which often includes the desire for them to attend college. Long before they even begin filling out college applications, we start saving money for their higher education and dream of who they might become.
Now it’s time to take off those rose-tinted glasses we parents sometimes wear and take a step back. A college education can be a great investment or a crippling burden to you and/or your child. This isn’t for the faint-hearted, but then again … neither is $30,000 worth of student debt.
We see college as the road to a better life, but not every child is ready to start the journey at 18. The United States has the highest dropout rate in the industrialized world, according to the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, with just 56 percent of college students completing four-year degrees within six years (Reuters 2012).
Some people fear if they don’t send their child to college immediately after high school, they will never go. This is a possibility and one that understandably scares many parents. As a Mom, I do not even want to think about my girls not going to college. There can be a sense of failure if they do not attend for both parents and children.
However, it is important to assess whether your child is ready for college as there is no rule that they have to attend at age 18. If you have any doubts, talk to your child and work together to overcome your concerns. You may be surprised how quickly they change their behavior to prove that college is the right choice for them.
This is why I think there is SO much student debt. It has become a social expectation to send your child to the best college possible without consideration of debt to future earning potential. I strongly encourage you to crunch the numbers with them before accepting an offer. Calculate what their student loan payments will be in comparison to what they will likely earn. It may not look too bad at first, but after you include—rent, car, groceries, entertainment, phone, etc.—the picture may change drastically. Few kids know how much these things even cost, so this can be an eye-opening exercise for them.
Ultimately you may have to make a difficult and unpopular decision for your child if their dream school is cost prohibitive. I sympathize, but don’t kid yourself that avoiding the fight now is the better choice. Letting them take on unsustainable debt is far more cruel and has long-term financial repercussions for them as well.
Please note: there are only two ways to eliminate student debt—pay it off or die. Harsh, but true. Bankruptcy will rarely absolve them from paying back their student debt (thanks to changes in 2005 that made it very difficult to prove undue hardship in regards to student loans).
I recommend you start talking to your kids about college as soon as they enter high school. Find out how interested they are in attending, where they want to go and why. Share with them the rules to qualify for parental financial aid, such as:
Your goal is to make sure you are on the same page with your child and work together to make sure college is a good investment for both of you.
The reality is college costs money and not everyone has the luxury to attend. It is not four years of non-stop partying paid by you or their student loan. You and/or your child are ultimately footing the bill, so make sure they understand the responsibility that comes with this privilege, so they can look back at their four years in college with great fondness, rather than regret.
Next Monday, we’ll examine different ways to save money for your children’s college education.
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SHANNON RYAN, CFP®
There were so many kids with me who just vegetated there, looking for inspiration, changing majors, dropping out after six years with no degrees... but as parents you want your kid to go to college, some think learning a trade is not for smart kids, and forget you will only thrive in something you are good at, not all personality types are good for college.
Personally, I wish it was more normal for kids to get a year or two of real-world living and working experience before they went to school. If they actually had experience managing income and expenses, I feel like they'd be more likely to really take advantage of the things a college has to offer.
My oldest daughter wanted to go to school for medical billing and coding. We went back and forth with that and she convinced us that she would get more out of it this vocational school than college, so we supported her. Just as she was about to begin her internship, she dropped out and now we're stuck paying for something she will never use.
My 19-year-old just flat out told me husband and me, save your money mom, I don't want to go to college right now. I was about to go into why he should when I thought about my daughter and backed off. He's got a warehouse job but I still talk to him about college when I get a chance.
The two younger ones are college bound and are preparing for it already. They know the schools they want to attend and even keep up with their grades and GPAs, something the two older ones didn't do...a great sign for parents to tell how motivated they are about school.
Thanks for putting this post together for us :) Have a great week Shannon!
As a kid my parents really didn't get involved in my or my older brother or sister's choice of education. It was completely up to us to decide what we wanted to do and how we were going to pay for it.
When I was headed off to college back in the mid-90's, there were schools that I wanted to attend that would have required me to take out student loans. Thankfully at the time, my dad convinced me to go to a Cal State school instead of a private university. He could help me with my tuition (along with my full-time job paying part of it). I graduated with my BA, and never had to pay any student loans. I'm glad I listened to my dad :)
By doing this, students can see if school is for the and will cost less if they decide to change majors etc...
It's great that you and your husband are working closely with your daughter, so she has a plan to earn an income after she graduates from high school. College may not be right for her now, but that may change in the future too. I think the most important thing any parent can do - is help their child figure out what's the right path for them and help them succeed in their chosen path, whether it includes college or not.
Luckily for me, I was just as cheap in college as I am now and went where I was awarded the most money and worked as much as I could to limit my total debt after school.
This is my first visit to your site - your article is great! It's realistic, thorough, and helps people separate "parental expectations" from "what's the reality here"?
I don't regret my education or my student debt (while, maybe a little) but it definitely would have been better if I waited. I plan on using these steps with my own daughter who is sixteen. She is highly motivated to go to University but she struggles with some of her core subjects.
I believe having an honest conversation with about doing some extra course work at a local college (I think they're called junior colleges in US) before taking the whole University plunge might be the best thing. Setting her up for success and saving some cash! Win and win!
Thanks for stopping and commenting; I really appreciate your kind words. You're definitely on the right track with your daughter—open communication is key. There is nothing wrong with attending a local community college before jumping to a University. As you said, it can be a real win-win and ultimately, your child receives the education she wants at a more affordable price, so everyone ends up happy.